I would (do this.)

Ever get sent one of those stupid “I’d do this.” emails where it lists the supposedly “perfect” guy. Well I do, and they’re stupid.

Edited for the lulz.
Don’t care if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now.

I don’t care if you are a guy or a woman or Michael Jackson. (Lol)

Just read this, it will make a difference.

If only everyone could see this and understand it.

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her
(Make sure you haven’t got any food on your lips.)

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummie cause she thinks shes
stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go
(Hit her back so she knows who is stronger.)

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her
(Get the bat.)

When she’s quiet
Ask her whats wrong
(Enjoy it)

When she ignores you
Give her your attention
(Repeat the order until she makes you the sandwich you want.)

When she pulls away
Pull her back
(This is known as rape and is in fact illeagal.)

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she’s beautiful
(Tell her and maybe she’ll put some effort in next time.)

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don’t say a word
(Leave and don’t say a word. Maybe she won’t notice you’re gone.)

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
(Be prepared to get maced.)

When she’s scared
Protect her
(Then you weren’t silent enough and she knows you’re in the house. Get out before she phones the police.)

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
(Phone the police and report it stolen.)

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh.
(Hit her.)

When she doesn’t answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay
(Then she has learnt her lesson and it’s time to take her head out of the bath before she drowns.)

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up
(Give her a black eye to make sure she doesn’t doubt you again)

When she says that she loves you
she really does more than you can understand
(Then she probably wants something.)

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her’s and play with her fingers
(Hit her. She may have been a mugger, better safe than sorry.)

When she bumps into you;
bump into her back and make her laugh
(Tell the bitch to walk straight.)

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold
(Tell your friends so you can laugh at her together.)

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
(“And that’s why I crashed the car.”)

When she says it’s over
she still wants you to be hers
(Sleep with her best friend.)
(Seriously though, this is the most retarded one on this whole list.)

When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it
(Then she hasn’t got a boyfriend and still watches Disney films.)

- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
(Only if she phoned you, don’t waste your money on stupid meaningless silence.)

- When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go
(Then you probably did something wrong and you should leave.)

- When she says she’s ok don’t believe it, talk with her because ten years later she’ll remember you
(Then she’s probably lying…but you don’t care so just leave.)

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
(E-mail her in the morning, or even the day after. Tell her the email came through late.)

- Stay up all night with her when she’s sick
(I’m no doctor but I don’t think refusing a sick person sleep by staying up all night with her is a good way to cure her.)

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it’s stupid
(I will never, ever, watch The Hills, because that goes beyond stupid and into retarded.)

- Let her wear your clothes
(Don’t want the fatty stretching them.)

-When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her
(Tell her you’re busy and then go play Grand Theft Auto.)

- Don’t talk about other girls around her
(Because you’ve got one extremely jealous girl who won’t even let you speak about your own mother.)

- Kiss her in the pouring rain
(Only if you have an umbrella, and never in public. That’s gay.)

- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:
“Whose ass am i kicking baby?”
(“Mind the shirt, I just washed this.”)