My Experience With World of Warcraft

I recently stopped playing Warcraft for many reasons. Lets start at the beginning. I chose to become a dwarf paladin, I wanted to be a gnome but I couldn’t be both a gnome and a paladin, and I really wanted to be a paladin so I settled for the next smallest thing and gave him a massive beard and called him Fuggle. And I was off, a new dwarf with my common shirt and common boots, the works, and I was thrown into a wasteland of ice. I started to speak to the few people who were around to try to get some quests, and so I completed about 100 quests and at this point I was level 20. Ok bit of an exaggeration, it was probably less quests than that. So this must have been about 6 to 7 hours of my life levelling up a character.
Now to me, the great gamer I am, this time is nothing, I’ve spent at least 40 hours playing Oblivion, but the thing is with Oblivion, sooner or later, I am going to finish every quest, find every item, level myself to the max and kill everything in sight, including the annoying fan numerous times. However with World of Warcraft, there is no end, there will always be quests, and with the new expansion that has recently came out, there will be even more! Plus the level cap has now been raised to give people more reason to play…and pay to play of course.

So what I did in warcraft after I got bored with the endless repetitive quests was to start making as much gold as possible. Of course, with anything in warcraft this took many weeks to acquire what was a decent amount of gold for my level and for any level up to about 40. So there I went, after learning my mining and smelting skills which cost me gold in themselves, and I set out across the baron ice lands and into brand new worlds!
Of course I wasn’t high enough level to be there and i promptly died. And so I went! across the plains as a ghost of my former self because I didn’t want the xp deduction. Nobody wants the xp deduction. Well after another massive hike of what seemed to be an hour (by that point it was so late I had lost track of all time) I found my body, after respawning, I promptly died again. But I did manage to make a small bit of progress back towards safe land, so after finding my dead body several more times I finally managed to get back into the noobish zones of the ice lands. After deciding it was way too dangerous to leave the safety of the level 1 zone I decided to start mining there. After many hours of waiting for the copper to respawn and a fierce battle with another dwarf about who would get the next set of copper ore (I took his turn and legged it, it wasn’t a PVP server, he had nothing on me) I finally had 20 copper ore! Hurray! So after I initially set off 6 hours ago I arrived back in the dwarf city a famed hero well I say that, I just told a guy I had 20 copper ore to which he replied, and I quote “stfu noob”. I could see his point, I did still have pretty rubbish stuff by this point. But all that was about to change as I legged it to the other side of the city to smelt my ore into bars! I could sell these for 6 gold a piece! I had struck oil! I was about to rise from the ashes and join the ranks of the 1337.
But it didn’t quite go as planned.
Sure I got it on auction, and sure they sold. But then what, I had my gold, what could I do with it. I thought about buying a mount. After spending hours and hours just to walk somewhere gets a bit tiring so some extra speed would help! So I went to speak to the mount rider.
“Sorry, you can’t buy a mount until you are level 30″
“Oh” I said to myself.
“Now what” I asked the man. Of course he didn’t respond he was only a NPC, so after telling him he was the rudest person I had met on here (excluding the people who didn’t let me join they’re clan because it was for humans only…racists) and I left. So now what, I couldn’t buy a mount, I was too weak to kill anything and I had shit loads of gold to spend of absolutely nothing. So of course, I seeked out guidance from a higher level. I hung around the city looking for somebody approachable, I learned a lot about life from doing this, people were talking, trading, others had transformed into tigers and were getting paid to sit on a mans face whilst he typed in oo’s and ahh’s. I stood and watched for a while whilst deciding if me watching was more weird than the act itself and wondering whether I had to pay them or not. I thought it was best not to approach these people. After a good long while of watching different people being sat on I decided to talk to my good friend and excellent warcraft player Phil. I convinced him to let me tag along with him on a journey through “the dead mines” with him and his brother and friend of mine Neal. After a good hour battling through these vicious dead mines, well I myself wasn’t battling, I was hanging at the back whilst Neal protected me and Phil killed everything in sight with his character that looked a bit like Kirby if you dressed her in black and gave her a sword. Well after we had finished and I had graciously accepted a few items off of Phil and Neal I decided to say thank you and go to bed. It was midnight by this point.
When I came back online the next morning I checked all the items I had managed to take during this raid. I had a lot, and a lot of stuff I couldn’t even use until I was higher level. But then there was this hammer, and how I loved this hammer. I equipped it straight away and got rid of my old noob axe! Now I was truly about to join the ranks of the 1337, I could feel it! I ran around the city showing off my brand new hammer to anybody who would look, of course I had to trick them into looking by telling them I was going to give them a free legendary weapon! But instead, I showed them my hammer, now this probably wasn’t the best idea as after saying they were going to see a legendary weapon my hammer probably looked like something I got out of a skip (if there are skips in warcraft, I’d like to think there are, what else would they do with all their rubbish?) but all the same it was my hammer, and I owned it! I decided to test my hammer out in the lands outside the level 1 zone. I decided with my new hammer I would be a new Leroy Jenkins and I jumped into battle with a level 30 spider!
To which I promptly died.
After many a more hours of slowly crawling back to safety (nobody wants the xp deduction) I found myself looking at the hammer in a different view. While I was completely gracious that I had received it, it wasn’t the cool level 70 killing hammer I first thought it was. I decided I would try to fob it off to a higher level in a hope they would trade me something better for it. They didn’t. Instead I was constantly being challenged to “duel” them to which I declined as I knew that if my hammer didn’t beat a level 30 spider what could it do against a level 70 human warrior? After trying to explain to these people that I wasn’t a noob, or a fag, or any of the other abuse thrown at me, I quickly ran away with my hammer still equipped.
What could I do now? I couldn’t get a mount, it would take me many more hours to level up to that point. Many an hours of “farming” wolves and other animals that couldn’t put up much of a fight so I could buy something to ride around on. But then what, after I buy my mount, then what? Well I could level up some more and buy a faster mount and eventually a flying one! But this would take me a year, and that a years worth of my real money feeding this addiction.
So the question I was meaning to put in right at the top of this warcraft epic story is this:
What is the point of world of warcraft?
It has no end, no real beginning and no real story. What do I do apart from roam around hoping nobody secretly sits on my face and charges for it. What do I do?
I decided the only real point to warcraft to make you character bigger and better than anybody else, so when you do finally hit that level 80 status you can look down on people (well up in my case, I was a dwarf) and say
“I’m a level 80 dwarf paladin with a weapon that could kill you just by looking at it, what are you, you’re nothing but a lowly level 4 human warrior, the most typical class ever. I am better than you. I have risen from the ashes, I may have spent a year doing so, but I am now finally in the ranks of the 1337. I am in all means a god.”
At least that’s what I think I would say, but in all truth I would probably just say
“Fuck you, noob fag!”

Left 4 Dead 2 “Leaked” Zombie Survival Trailer

I put “leaked” in quotations because nobody is really sure whether it was leaked or “leaked”. If you catch my drift. If you don’t then i’m suggesting that possibly Vavle released the trailer themselves. But I don’t see why they would need to do that.
Anyway check it out because it looks fucking awesome.
I still haven’t decided who’s better: Nick or Ellis.

Gaming Pumkins

This are some of the coolest gaming related stuff i’ve seen.

See if you can name all of them. No cheating. It’s not that hard.

Thanks to Kotaku.

I would (do this.)

Ever get sent one of those stupid “I’d do this.” emails where it lists the supposedly “perfect” guy. Well I do, and they’re stupid.

Edited for the lulz.
Don’t care if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now.

I don’t care if you are a guy or a woman or Michael Jackson. (Lol)

Just read this, it will make a difference.

If only everyone could see this and understand it.

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her
(Make sure you haven’t got any food on your lips.)

When she pushes you or hits you like a dummie cause she thinks shes
stronger than you
Grab her and dont let go
(Hit her back so she knows who is stronger.)

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her
(Get the bat.)

When she’s quiet
Ask her whats wrong
(Enjoy it)

When she ignores you
Give her your attention
(Repeat the order until she makes you the sandwich you want.)

When she pulls away
Pull her back
(This is known as rape and is in fact illeagal.)

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she’s beautiful
(Tell her and maybe she’ll put some effort in next time.)

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don’t say a word
(Leave and don’t say a word. Maybe she won’t notice you’re gone.)

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
(Be prepared to get maced.)

When she’s scared
Protect her
(Then you weren’t silent enough and she knows you’re in the house. Get out before she phones the police.)

When she steals your favorite hoodie
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
(Phone the police and report it stolen.)

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh.
(Hit her.)

When she doesn’t answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay
(Then she has learnt her lesson and it’s time to take her head out of the bath before she drowns.)

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up
(Give her a black eye to make sure she doesn’t doubt you again)

When she says that she loves you
she really does more than you can understand
(Then she probably wants something.)

When she grabs at your hands
Hold her’s and play with her fingers
(Hit her. She may have been a mugger, better safe than sorry.)

When she bumps into you;
bump into her back and make her laugh
(Tell the bitch to walk straight.)

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold
(Tell your friends so you can laugh at her together.)

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
(“And that’s why I crashed the car.”)

When she says it’s over
she still wants you to be hers
(Sleep with her best friend.)
(Seriously though, this is the most retarded one on this whole list.)

When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it
(Then she hasn’t got a boyfriend and still watches Disney films.)

- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
(Only if she phoned you, don’t waste your money on stupid meaningless silence.)

- When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go
(Then you probably did something wrong and you should leave.)

- When she says she’s ok don’t believe it, talk with her because ten years later she’ll remember you
(Then she’s probably lying…but you don’t care so just leave.)

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
(E-mail her in the morning, or even the day after. Tell her the email came through late.)

- Stay up all night with her when she’s sick
(I’m no doctor but I don’t think refusing a sick person sleep by staying up all night with her is a good way to cure her.)

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it’s stupid
(I will never, ever, watch The Hills, because that goes beyond stupid and into retarded.)

- Let her wear your clothes
(Don’t want the fatty stretching them.)

-When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her
(Tell her you’re busy and then go play Grand Theft Auto.)

- Don’t talk about other girls around her
(Because you’ve got one extremely jealous girl who won’t even let you speak about your own mother.)

- Kiss her in the pouring rain
(Only if you have an umbrella, and never in public. That’s gay.)

- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:
“Whose ass am i kicking baby?”
(“Mind the shirt, I just washed this.”)

A Guide To Internet Slang

It's a cat.

The interweb’s a big place and it can be easy to get behind on what the “hip” word or phrase is. Which is why I have created this guide, for you, because that’s the kind of guy I am. No longer will you belittled by a 12 year old Asian kid who can insult you without you even realising it because he is hiding behind his tech speech. No, with this guide to can stand and say “FU, u n00b fag.”

Noob
A “noob” or “n00b” is an inexperienced player or internet user. A noob is hated among any community. A noob knows very little about the game and refuses to learn, they expect other players to do everything for them.

Do not try to argue with a noob as they anger easily and are very territorial. They believe they are the best at what in fact they are the worst at.

Sound the alarm!

Noob try to stay in packs but this can result in them fighting among one another (see “Fail.”)
It is generally advised that noobs be taken out of the gene pool.

Variations appear in different games. For example in Garrys Mod a noob is known as a “mingebag” as the default name for a new player is “mingebag”.

The term “noob” is becoming increasingly used in certain teenage cultures as a form of insult. (See “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG”.)

Newb
Different from a noob in that a newb, whilst being new to the game/forum, is willing to learn and will communicate in a well spoken manner.

First
A word that is used when you are the first to post on an article or video. A sought after position. People will treat you with the upmost respect if you achieve the prized first position.
Hint: when checking to see if anyone has already said “first,” the best place to look is the first comment.
E.g. “There are no comments yet.”
Posts: First.

Troll
A troll is one who deliberately posts controversial or provocative message on a topic or in a comments section.
E.g. On a youtube Michael Jackson tribute video.
“Michael Jackson is a fag.”
Somebody who responds to the trolls with anger or annoyance is said to have been “trolled”. And can often lead to further annoyance when people point this out. (See butthurt)
While it may seem appropriate to flame a troll (see below) it is important that you ignore him, as an angry comment is exactly what the troll wants because he is in it for the lulz (See: “Lol”)
Hint: Do not feed the trolls.

Flame
“Flame” is a term used to describe an insult said over the internet (or anything electronic). A person who repeatedly argues like this can be known as a “flamer.” And a large scale argument on a forum will be known as a “flame war.”

Lol (Lul, lols, megalols, etc)
Laugh out loud. That comment was so funny that I am in fact laughing out loud. Feel free to use this even though it probably isn’t true. You probably just smirked a bit.

Rofl

Roflcopter

Rolling on floor laughing. That comment was so witty and brilliant that I have proceeded to roll around on the floor laughing. Feel free to use this even though it is very unlikely to be true.
Lmao
Laughing my ass off. That comment was so funny that my rectum has proceeded to explode.

Brb
Be right back. I am leaving my computer and feel inclined to inform you that I will be right back. Can be used for a maximum of 30 minutes.

Afk
Away from keyboard. I am not at my computer, I am away from my keyboard and so I will not be typing. Can be left in your username to indicate you are not there. Should be used if you will be away from longer than 30 minutes.

Teh
A corruption of the word “the”.
E.g. Teh internets is cool. Or. Teh dog pissed on me.
It is now mostly used in an ironic way but it has been used so much that is became unfunny about last Thursday.

Pron
A corruption of the word “porn”. Often used to avoid automatic word filters but is so widely known that it stopped working at least 100 years ago.

NSFW
Not safe for work. The following link will lead to material that is not safe for the workplace as it will contain nudity. Probably goatse (See “pron”).
E.g. This link is NSFW.

OMG
Oh my god. That sentence/video is so shocking that I generally can’t believe it. OMGWTFBBQ.

ZOMG
A variation of “omg”. Used mainly by geeks but is finding its way into normal social circles. Incurs sarcasm as to the level of disbelief.
E.g. ZOMG does this film rule? By which I mean no.

TLDR (tl;dr)
Too long, didn’t read. That comment was so long that I in fact didn’t read it.

Win
Win generally indicates that something is great.
E.g. This picture=win.
A winner is you.
This can be further emphasised by adding epic in front.
E.g. This thread=epic win.
You can also capitalise these words for a much greater affect. Although this is generally ill advised as it is associated with noob behaviour.

Fail

Cat Win

When something is so bad that it “fails”. Often used when some attempt at humour happens and “fails”. Has found its way into main stream social circles…unfortunately.
Can also be emphasised by the word epic.

FTW
For the win.
E.g. I like ducks. Yeah ducks for the win.
Can also mean full of win in some cases
E.g. This thread is so good that it is full of win. (see win)

FTL
For the loss. The opposite of for the win.

FU
Fuck you.
Often used in response to being “rickroll’d”
Overdraw the “U” to add extra anger.
E.g. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Fag/Your a fag
Whilst not strictly internet slang, it is important none the less. The reason for this is because it is the most widely used insult on the whole of the “internetz”. Most often in a “flame war” (see flame). Because when you can’t form a solid and witty argument (see fail) then you must question the person’s sexuality.
“Your a fag” even works on female, which doesn’t even make sense. That’s how powerful this insult is.
Note the missing apostrophe, that’s intentional, this insult doesn’t need correct grammar.
The only possible come back to this insult is to say:
“No, your a fag!”

Imo
In my opinion. This is my opinion, and nobody else’s. I would like to express my opinion. Often used by people who have something to say that nobody cares about.
E.g. Imo your a fag.

Own
To be owned is an act of humiliation. It derives from videogames where you completely obliterated an opponent, you are said to have “ownd them”.

Pwn
A variation of the word own. Originated back in the days of warcraft when a map designer accidently misspelt owned as pwned. Which is fair enough because the two letters are next to each other, give the guy a break.

1337
Back in the days of dial up 1337 or “leet”, which comes from the word “elite”, used to mean to be an incredible gamer. But now it is more commonly used to describe the language used by a small community of people. Here is an example of 1337 speak:
20|\/|9, 7|-|1$ \/1Ð30 $µ(|{0®$.

Not to be confused with “chav speak” or “text talk”. (See below).

Text talk
This is the language used by most characters with little intelligence.
E.g. i (L)d it but evry1 startd sayin tht i cut maself n evrythng wen it woz ma falt!! so i aint nomor! but it woz wkd!!
Yes, I don’t know what that said either. I just copied and pasted it off somebody’s facebook who I shall keep anonymous. This kind of speak is used so only those of similar intelligence can read it.
This language can be easily mimicked by repeatedly smashing your face into the keyboard.

So now you’ve read the guide you should be ready to venture out into the scary world of the internet. Go forth child! With the growing rate of these words implementation into society then you shall be able to survive off the knowledge into this guide. But this is just a basic introduction into the world of the internet. There is much more you shall learn whilst out there. Be careful.

Jesus ownage.

Top 7 Most Explicit Moments in Gaming

7. Rampage World Tour

You may remember playing Rampage World Tour as a child. You probably look back at it with fond memories of your childhood and the games you were brought up on. What you probably don’t remember seeing however is this:

Pixelated Man Junk

It’s just a split second, but for that split second you can see everything.

6. Knights of the round

Knights of the round was an arcade game by Capcom relesed in 1991. It was later ported to the snes so there was a small chance that you may have played it. If you have played it then you will know what is coming up because this kind of thing would have been scared into your mind as a child.

Was has been seen cannot be unseen.

Thats right, after you smash an endangered species in the face with an axe you get to look straight at a pair of furry testicles.

5. Mass Effect

At the time of Mass Effect’s released it was heavily featured on US network FOX for being a “sex simulator”. The player will see “full digital nudity” and the ability to “engage in graphic sex where you will get to decide what happens between the two people”. This caused a media shit storm among all of the US networks and the game was shunned by parents. I feel sorry for the people who brought this game after seeing the FOX report so they could play the sex scene. Because as with everything to do with videogames in mainstream media, they were completely wrong.

There is a sex scene, correct but there is not however any nudity (only a stray side boob here and there) and the player does in no way choose “what happens between the two people”. The reporter on the story states that she based all her research on the game by looking at the website. Perhaps people should try playing the game before making stuff up about it. Here’s an extract from a debate with supposed experts:

Reporter: What do you think about this Greg?

Greg: Well just last week I brought Princess Enchanted Brides (a quick google shows that this game does not excist) for my 6 year old daughter and i’m not very good at these games. (Greg the gaming expert here) I’m definitly not going to let Mass Effect in my house.

Well jee Greg, that’s good because the game is rated mature and you’ve got a 6 year old daughter. He also describes the fake game as Luke Skywalker meets Debbie Does Dallas, which actually does sound pretty good.

Another “expert”: What do you think the kid is gonna do when he’s home alone? He’s going to go play his dad’s videogames and I think that’s dangerous.

If the kid is wanting to look at nudity when he’s home alone he’s going to go straight for page 3, he’s not going to spend 30+ hours to get a quick look at the side of an alien tit.

These kind of things annoy me as a gamer. But anyway, here’s the video you all want to see. Oh yeah, did I mention it’s a lesbien sex scene?

4. Fahrenheit

The media is ironic. Whilst Mass Effects gets massive media coverage for something it doesn’t have. This game has all of the things that Mass Effect was reported as having and doesn’t get a single news report.

For those in the dark Fahrenheit is a cinematic game praised for it’s deep story told from the point of view of multiple characters and the characters themseleves . However about half way through the game your character dies after trying to rescue his ex girlfriend from an abandoned funfair ride in which the villian placed her on. The ride ultimately collapses and you fall to your death along with your ex girlfriend. Due to the supernatural part of the story however your character comes back as a reanimated corspe. And this is the part of the story where the sex scene comes into play.

Zombie Porn

This scene holds nothing back. You even get a little mood boost from it.

I should also mention that earlier in the game there is a normal sex scene before your character is a zombie and which you get to control the movement. Not a single news report.

3. GTA San Andreas

The infamous hot coffee mod. This is another example of the media getting it all wrong. The hot coffee mod which can only be accessed after downloading a patch for the PC version or by having a modded console takes place after your character finishes a date with a woman and is dropping her off home. If the date went well enough she will invite him inside for “coffee”. Cue a sexual minigame where the player has clothed sex with the girl. The picture explains it all.

Polygon Fun

The contravsry with this comes because the developers (RockStar North) actually built this into the game but before the game went gold they locked it out so people couldn’t access it. They didn’t delete it however and it is still built into the games code. So after some crafty modders found this little gem in the PC version they released a patch which lets you experience it in all its glory. Horrah!

2. Custer’s Revenge

Custer’s Revenge (released in 1984 for the Atari 2600) is a very early example of a pornographic videogame. In the game you play as a character called General George Custer who wears nothing but a hat, boots and a bandana. The game takes you through a series of levels where you basically “rape” native american’s. I’m sold. It has been heavily criticised and some people even consider it as the worst game ever made (clearly having never played 50 Cent Bulletproof.)

Check out the screen.

Yes. That is a boner.

1. Ring King

No words are needed for this game. Just look at the picture.

Getting ready for the next round!